Under the current law in the UK, there is no set legal age at which a child can refuse to see their parent. However, at the age of 16, a child can legally choose which parent to live with. When it comes to deciding whether a child should not have contact with a parent, the courts consider several factors, including the child’s own preferences and wishes. The ‘weight’ that the court will give to the child’s wishes will depend on their age and the circumstances. In general, the courts will give less weight to the preferences of younger children. This is because they start with the assumption that young children generally may:
- Find it more difficult or may be unable to communicate their opinions when asked
- Want a relationship with both parents
- Not understand the wider circumstances and impact of such decisions
- Be easily influenced into making a decision
In general, as children age, they become more articulate at voicing their opinions and are more likely to understand the ramifications of deciding which parent they will have contact with.
Child doesn’t want to visit their father or mother
If your child has chosen not to visit their father or mother, it is important to try to understand their feelings and why they have made this decision openly and without judgment. If they are too young to express their feelings, ask them to draw a picture of how they feel. Do they have a good reason for not wanting to see their other parent? Try to understand if their decision is related to a genuine concern of seeing their other parent. It may be that the child does not want to visit their father or mother due to alcohol or substance misuse, domestic violence or abuse, or concerns of abduction.
In general, it is important to encourage children to have contact with their non-custodial parent regardless of the personal circumstances and relationship between the two parents. Indeed, the courts almost always advocate for children to maintain a good relationship with both parents, but only if it is safe and appropriate to do so.
If the child still does not want to visit their mother or father, and if there is no risk of harm to the child, it may be useful to consider Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM). This form of mediation allows the child to voice their opinions and views to a neutral person (a mediator). The consent of both parents and the child is required.
The courts may intervene to enforce visits depending on the child’s age, any safety concerns, and whether there is a court order in place. If the child is above the age of 16, the court will not normally intervene to enforce visitation. If a Child Arrangements Order is in place, it may be possible to ask the court to vary the order, taking into account the child’s feelings. If there is a genuine risk of harm to the child, it may be possible to have the stop contact altogether.
If you are concerned that your child’s decision to refuse to see you (i.e. as their non-custodial parent) may be caused by the influence of their mother or father, you may need the help of a professional counsellor as well as a family law solicitor.
Child no longer wants to live with their mother or father
Where a child has decided that they no longer want to live with their custodial mother or father, it may be possible for the other parent (i.e. the non-custodial parent) to become their main caregiver depending on whether there is a court order in place or not.
No existing court order
If there is no existing court order in place, such as a Child Arrangements Order or Prohibited Steps Order, depending on the case, you may be able to apply for an order setting out which parent the child will live with. When making an order, the courts will always take into account a wide range of factors, including the safety of the child, the child’s wishes, and their age. The type of order that the court will put in place will depend on the circumstances. Child Arrangement Orders set out where the child will live, who will have custody of the child, how they will be cared for, and whether the other parent will access or not. Prohibited Steps Order can be used to stop a parent from exercising their parental responsibility.
Court order in place
If there is an existing court order in place, such as a Child Arrangement Order, it may be possible to have the order changed or to stop the order. Whether an order can be changed or stopped will depend on the type of court order (e.g. limited contact due to domestic violence). When deciding whether to overturn or change an existing order, again, the courts will take into account the child’s age, wishes and feelings.
It is important to bear in mind that not returning a child to their custodial parent may be a breach of an existing Child Arrangement Order. A breach of a court order can lead to serious legal consequences due to contempt of court, including a fine or other penalty. Where a child has not been returned to their custodial parent, the court will want to be satisfied that there is a good reason, such as a real risk of danger or harm if contact with the other parent continues.
In such circumstances, it is important to get urgent legal advice first. If there is a good reason to stop a child from being returned home, a family law solicitor can make an urgent application to the court to make the necessary decisions and have them enforced.
